Masal! Willifred the Destroyer is open!
Manchester (AP) Manchester City, after failing to acquire AC Milan and Brazil midfielder Kaka for the proposed sum of a Gajillion pounds [Bajillion American dollars], are considering making a bid for former Arsenal target Masal Bugduv. Mark Hughes acknowledged the extraordinarily high fee for the non-existent Moldovan forward, but remarked that, “It’s an inflated market. We’ve already forked out 25 million quid on Tweedle Dum [defender Wayne Bridge] and Tweedle Dee [forward Craig Bellamy]. Once we found out Masal didn’t exist, we knew we’d get maybe 5 million pounds off what Arsenal might have paid for him. City fans should see this as a great deal for the club.”
While Hughes was reticent about where exactly a non-entity would fit in his starting eleven, he acknowledged that Bugduv might be the tip of the iceberg. “City have never had a non-existent player, although Steve Daley came close. We might get more in if it works out. Perhaps that bloke from Goal!, although I’m not sure Real Madrid are ready to talk transfers at the moment.”
Fans were excited at the news, particularly in the wake of Kaka’s rejection of the Gajillion pound fee. “This is the future,” said one man outside City of Manchester Stadium, arm dangled in the air around an imaginary friend he identified as ‘Willifred the Destroyer.’ “No actual megastars seem to want to sign here, so made-up players are the next best thing. Willifred’s agent is actually in talks with the club. We’re gobsmacked.”
FIFA President Sepp Blatter denounced the move, remarking that immaterial footballers “…should be drawn from the league’s national ranks. What about Roy Race? He’s off languishing in the lower leagues while Moldova is deprived of their favourite fake son.” And while there’s been no official word from Bugduv’s agent, several comments resembling AP wire stories popped up on various fansites confirming his interest. If acquired, Bugduv would almost certainly replace City forward Darius Vassell.
The sad thing is that you actually think this puerile shite is funny. You are what is techinically known as a bunch of utter c*nts.
Fucking retards Are you Americans ?
Patheric childish twaddle.
Have you no proper football news. What a waste of space you lot are.
pathetic, you need to get a job, and a life
Get a life for gods sake. Firstly Manchester City are responsible for all the ills in the world and now muppets like you are getting paid for producing drivel like this. You are quite obviously not a journalist so why not get a job more fitting to your qualifications i.e. toilet cleaners apprentice.
what the fuck?! how long did it take you to type all this one-handed?
Yep they are Americans fucking tools
Richard Shittall We'll buy your website & burn it Buy your website & burn it down…..
Apologies East Standers
Yes very funny!!, you have written an article on a player that doesnt exist, tell me again mark hughes usually does badly in the transfer market doesnt he? oh no thats right hes actually quite good.
by the way your banner states daily news and analysis from the English Premier league, yet this crock of shit isnt actually a story is it???
i dont know maybe your bored as there is no real city news maybe you had to write it whilst taking a shit as you were late for school this morning, or maybe your just a cunt!!!
EPL News would like to announce the signing of richard whittall supposed writer of comedy and general all round wit(except that doesnt exsist either does it??)
WHAT A FUCKING BUNCH OF FUCKING CUNTS
If this is the future of comedic writing we're all doomed. Without a doubt one of the saddest things i've every read, i seriously hope the guy who retardedly mashed onto his keyboard to write this isn't getting paid for this because if he/her/it is then the owners of this website need to pull their pants up coz your getting royally f**ked!
The only thing this rag clown has accomplished here with this bit of bumfluffery is to confirm what a lot of blues already know…. they scared!!….ouch – that hurts doesn't it!!
It scares the rags & probably the rest of the premier league because l'il ol City may well spoil the party and gatecrash the skysports sponsored “big four”…. th rags don't likie it for obviously reasons but the added bomus for blues is that they don't have a penny to their name!…£880m in debt and counting boys! tick tock tick tock
Well I think it's brilliant. Although City don't actually need articles like this to become a laughing stock – they can do that quite adequately on their own.
Wow! Well, I didn't really intend this as a wind up, but mission accomplished. Don't worry City fans, I'll get round to the rest of the league in good time.
Jesus wept, the fact u yank twats call it the EPL is a joke in its self, do us all a favour n go and start another war with a country u will never defeat, now thats what i call a “laughing stock”.
I don't think it was meant as a wind up, but unfortunately it isn't funny. Spare the rest of the league please for everyones sake.
Well we can hardly wait if it is all going to be as witty and intelligent as this. Cock!
You think this is brilliant? Seriously? Are you 8 years old or just mentally ill?
City fans. They curse when they're vulnerable.
Sorry it wasn't funny, Graham. Let's just say I now know how Barry Glendenning feels…
To the rest, I'll just say in my day 'puerile' meant calling a total stranger the c-word…
Yes Lancet, brilliant. You obviously have your head somewhere sky blue to be unable to appreciate it. As for my age, well, judging by the inability of most City fans making a post on this, to be able to articulate a thought without resorting to the basest of language, I'd say they are the children, wouldn't you?
Richard, whether this was meant as a wind up or not is irrelevant as the reality is it is journalism of the poorest quality, badly constructed and certainly not funny at any level.
As a City fan of 40 years I can assure you that the real life soap opera that is Manchester City and our inane ability to shoot ourselves in the foot at every opportunity is much, much funnier than the drivel you have published here.
Can I suggest that before you turn your attention to the rest of the league (as threatened above) you first gain an understanding of what constitutes comedy as your article appears to show a huge lack of any such understanding.
Finally one last tip for you, in future when you have written what you believe to be a funny article read to someone and if they laugh then go for it, if they don’t then get the message “YOU ARE NOT FUNNY”
Fair enough PW, but I would only take issue with being called a 'journalist.' This was a fake news bit meant to highlight Hughes' precarious situation in the transfer market. Any non-City fans who thought this was absolute drivel from c*nt and a c*ck (a tranny?) who is also a toilet cleaner, please feel free to pipe up.
Fair comment although it could have been worse I could have called you an “estate agent” now that would have been an insult!!
In relation to your previous comment I didn't call you a toilet cleaner I suggested you should take up work as toilet cleaners apprentice, there is a difference and you shouldn't get ideas above your station!
Also I do take back the comment about you not being funny as I have to say on re-reading it the bit about Steve Daley was funny and I would challenge any fellow blue to disagree with that.
Richard, don't listen to these cynics! I thought it was funny, given that a fake player probably would have done more to help M. City than Kaka anyway, and for a fitieth of the price (in my world, 1 Gajillion/20 Million = 50. Don't ask how)! It was at least clever.
To the rest of you: I know this is that decivilizing medium known as “the internet,” but have some courtesy. Not only did he try to do something most of you would never dream of doing (let alone being able to do properly), he's actually literate and gets through an entire post with no significant grammatical or spelling errors, which is more than can be said for the vast majority of this sites clientele.
And before any smartass mentions it, I know “sites” should have been “site's.” Don't cry.
As a Hull supporter, I have no feelings towards City, and I still think this bit was tasteless and amateur-ish. We come to this site for news, not for one man's attempt at comedy.
The most fascinating bit of literature I read on this page was the usages of “puerile” in the first comment. Richard, instead of dogmatically, steadfastedly, and other brilliant words I could conjure at will, defending yourself and your trite bull, why not take a step back and consider accepting some criticism.