Watching your side lose is never a pleasant experience but watching them be thrashed by your fierce local rivals is a leading contender for one of the worst ways to spend an afternoon alongside shopping during the sales or watching anything involving Piers Morgan.

As a Sunderland fan, yesterday’s match was probably the worst Tyne-Wear Derby in my lifetime, worse even than the 4-1 defeat in Alan Shearer’s last game in 2005. I know that it is only three points and that there is a chance in January to at least restore some local pride but yesterday was horrible. And I completely blame hope.

That most alluring of feelings is what football fans breathe. The hope that this season might be the one, the hope that today we might just beat them. It is the reason we all get so excited in the middle of August and on the first weekend of January. Hope is the reason that we keep following our team, even though all logic suggests that we have no chance.

Yesterday I honestly hoped that we could beat Newcastle. I woke up fairly positive, we have the better side, we were seven unbeaten and had the second best defence in the league. Surely we could at least expect something out of the game? By the time the final whistle had blown I had left the pub I was watching the game in with the feeling that I had been duped.

Hope, and the subsequent theft of it, can make football fans do some strange things. I have seen grown men cry because they honestly believed that now was their time. I have seen people swing from feelings verging on hero worship to hatred in the space of 90 minutes. As is so often the case, football brings to the surface emotions and processes that society often teaches us to quell. We watch football as an escape from real life and when that dreamlike state is threatened then we struggle to cope.

As I walked out of the pub where I watched yesterday’s game I was in a bit of a daze. The transition back into the real world was an uncomfortable one, far removed from the hopeful way in which I escaped it. My vision of the perfect Sunday afternoon had been laid before me before being snatched away and trampled all over.

Does this mean that I care too much? Does the fact that I was genuinely shocked that my team lost to a team that I have seen them lose to on a number of occasions mean I am going slightly mad? I don’t think so. I think that sometimes the best part f football can also be its downfall. The hope, the escapism is all well and good until it goes horribly wrong. But then again, it can’t be all that bad can it? After all, I will almost undoubtedly be watching my team again next weekend and I am certain that yesterdays trick by hope will have been forgotten and I will enter again into that slightly surreal and certainly irrational world that is being a football fan.

Derby 0 – Manchester United 1 This match epitomizes the season for both clubs.  Derby worked but weren’t quite good enough.  United’s only enemy was their own cuteness.  Ronaldo should have scored at least three, or more according to his own verbal tally.

Birmingham 1 – Newcastle 1 The result risked being critical, but little Mickey was there to muscle it back to mediocrity.  He may have saved Keegan’s last silver hair.  Not a win, but certainly a start.

Sunderland o – Chelsea 1 Leave it to the Dark Lord to plunge the Stadium of Light into darkness.  So it goes for Sunderland.  Keane should save some Just for Men for his beard.

Liverpool 2 – Reading 1 Matejovski’s strike was nice.  Mascherano’s was spectacular, with a few tasteful “Fuck Offs” tacked onto it.  Apparently, Dirk Kuyt played in that match.

The FA Cup Third Round relieved us from the dreariness of our normal robust Premier League schedule to enthrall us with live riveting matches like Pompey-Ipswich and grant us the opportunity to pay top dollar to watch Villa-Utd.  All 20 Premier League clubs participated at the weekend and here are their performances ranked in order.

Great Success!

1. Manchester United 2-0 win over Aston Villa.  They had a tough draw, having to play Villa away.  It wasn’t a dominant performance, but they got the goals when it counted.

2. Wigan beating Sunderland on the road 3-0.  A convincing win against a (for now)  Premier League caliber side away.  Still hoping that Wigan supporters adopt “Don’t Let Me Dow-ow-own, Brrrruce!” (the ELO song) as an anthem.

High Five

3. Arsenal win 2-0 away at Burnley.  It didn’t set the world on fire, but they got the job done.

4. Middlesbrough come back from behind to beat Bristol City 2-1.  It’s a win, so Boro supporters will be pleased.

Listen pussycat, give me a smile
5. Chelsea beat QPR 1-0.  Got my hopes up when The Guardian misprinted the result as a QPR 1-0 victory.  Not impressive but they’ll take it.

6. Portsmouth beating Ipswich 1-0.  David Nugent is still alive.  Who knew?
I get Ipod.  He get Ipod mini.  But everybody know it’s for girls!

7-8. Tottenham and Reading Draw 2-2.  Berbatov should donate part of his next contract to Reading.

9-10. Manchester City 0 – West Ham 0.  Yawn.

11. Derby drew Sheffield Wednesday 2-2.  Sheffield Wednesday are a Championship side, but so are Derby so the result is fitting.  The Rams will just be happy to fight another day.

12. Aston Villa lost to Manchester United 2-0.  Bad draw.
Do Not Fear Me Gypsy.  All I want is your tears.

13. Liverpool drew with Luton 1-1.  Jose Mourinho… Come on down!

14. Newcastle drew with Stoke 0-0.  Do you want your Big Sam ass cheek Medium or Well Done?

15. Bolton lost to Sheffield Utd. 1-0.  Respectable loss and probably better for them to bow out early and concentrate on the League.
What’s Up with it Vanilla Face?
16. Fulham drew Bristol Rovers 2-2.  They can’t even keep a clean sheet against a struggling League One side.

17. Sunderland lost to Wigan 3-0 at home.  Embarassing.

18. Birmingham Lost to Huddersfield 2-1.  Unacceptable.
Where I put this?

19. Everton lost 1-0 to Oldham.  Teams that are taking that next step don’t lose to Oldham.

20. Blackburn lost 4-1 to Coventry at home.  Hideous.

Destiny entwined

Two hundred thousand a week

Major malfunction

Liverpool beat Derby 2-1 on a late winner by Steven Gerrard. It was another unfortunate result for Derby who should have earned at least a draw for dominating Liverpool in the second half.

The Reds were once again plagued by their inconsistency, with only the individual brilliance of Torres and Gerrard salvaging what was a woeful performance. Whether it is tactics, rotation, or the wrong combination of vitamins in their drinks, at least part of the blame has to reside with Rafa Benitez.

Half-way through the season, the squad still displays about as much natural chemistry as Spencer and Heidi on the Hills. With the manager and potentially the ownership situation in flux, Liverpool looks more likely to be fighting to stay in the Champions League in April than winning it.

Chelsea drew Aston Villa 4-4 in a candidate for match of the season. With eight goals, two penalties, and three red cards, one can hardly complain.

Andiry Shevchenko scored a brace and had, perhaps, his best performance in a Chelsea shirt. He got a big hug from fellow 100,000 pound a week bete noire Michael Ballack, though the other players seemed reticent.

Ballack also contributed a goal from a free kick. But his contribution is mitigated by the fact that he still roams the midfield with the pace and fluidity of a wounded hippopotamus, covering his 20 square feet of the midfield with aplomb.

Starting Cech in goal was a mistake, as his blunders lead to eat least two of Aston Villa’s goals. A defender of midfielder can pull himself through the match on adrenaline and grit, a goalkeeper relies on fitness and reaction time. A great keeper won’t win a match for you, but an injured keeper can certainly lose one.

Chelsea’s title hopes also appear to be fading fast, as their stars are literally out of alignment. Drogba will be fit again approximately when he and Michael Essien begin their sabbaticals in Africa. Their defense will be in trouble for the next few weeks with John Terry injured and Master of the Dark Arts Ricardo Carvalho facing a three match ban after an atrocious two-footed tackle. At 7 pts off the pace, it’s hard to see them making this a three-horse race.

Arsenal drew Portsmouth 0-0. It is a damaging result in the mind, as Man U have taken a crucial one pt lead at the midway point in the season. But, in reality, a draw in a tricky away match is not the most terrible result in the world.

The Gunners still haven’t recovered fully from their injury spell. The midfield combo of Hleb, Flamini and Fabregas, so crucial to their early success, remains a bit off the pace. Fabregas, in particular, had a woeful performance on Wednesday.

The early season criticisms about their dearth of wide players is coming to fruition. Rosicky is a fine player, but far more effective in the interior than on the wing. Eboue is an adept attacking full-back, but as a winger his crossing and shooting leave much to be desired.

The tactic of playing Adebayor as the lone-striker in a 4-5-1 should also be re-examined. Far too often, he dips back into the midfield to get the ball rather than holding his position and drawing the attention of defenders. Dropping into the Henry position is fine, with a second striker. But, when Adebayor drops back on his own it converts Arsenal to a 4-6-0 and forces them to pick the lock to provide a player with a decent scoring opportunity. With a disciplined defensive effort like Pompey’s, this proves an arduous task.

It’s far too early to be composing Arsenal’s epitaph, but there are certainly questions that must be answered if they are to win the title.